I believe that you are whole and complete exactly as you are. I believe that you are the perfect sexual partner for someone (or maybe multiple someones!) EXACTLY as you are. I believe that your body is going to drive someone (or maybe multiple someones!) to distraction because they love it so much, EXACTLY as it is today.
I also know that if you’re reading this, you probably don’t believe that yet. And that’s okay.
It wasn’t that long ago that I didn’t believe it either.
Two years ago, I was worried about everything…
…what if I had too many rolls of extra flesh for anyone to ever want to have sex with me?
…what if I was unacceptable because I didn’t like to swallow – surely that was a deal-breaker for men?
…what if my inexperience meant I was doing everything wrong and I was a terrible lover?
…what if the only way to become a better lover was to become “slutty” – which was totally counter to my idea of the “good girl” I was supposed to be?
…what if I was disgusting because I didn’t like shaving my pubes, like all the magazines said I should?
…what if my “down there” smelled weird?
…what if I was a bad kisser?
…what if … and what if … and what if?
Whenever the topic of love or relationships or sex came up, it was like a category-5 hurricane took hold of my brain and wouldn’t let go. I was obsessed with the idea of having great sex, but I was terrified that I was too broken and undesirable to ever experience it.
Finally, at the age of 42, the pain of wanting the very thing I thought I couldn’t have became too much. I decided to test my assumptions so I could see how much I was actually capable of.
For a year, I dove deep into the center of my perceived sexual brokenness.
And what I discovered stunned me:
… I was attractive to many people, regardless of (or even BECAUSE OF) my extra flesh.
… not swallowing was not a deal-breaker for most men. Neither was not shaving.
… general inexperience was not a problem, because every lover was different, so learning each body was half the fun.
… I could be a “good girl” and still enjoy sex!
… and on… and on … and on…
I’ve discovered that my sexual superpower is communication – that talking about things in advance can either set me up for great experiences or prevent me from getting down with the wrong person.
And I’ve discovered that I’m really good at helping other people to navigate this same territory.
So tell me: what is your greatest fear about sex?
I don’t care if you believe it can change.
All I need to know is if you WANT it to change.
Psst – want to see me telling more of my story? Click here >>