Living With Dying articles
Signposts In Action : From Martha Jo's blog
By Leah Carey
Sept. 13, 2016
An excerpt from Martha Jo Atkin’s July 14, 2016 blog, as she accompanied her father Noble through his dying process. Her website is www.marthaatkins.com.
Noble is itching a lot, something we attributed solely to medication until Linda pointed out that building toxins in the bloodstream cause itching, too. So much to learn.
When Dad offered a detached “Hi, Sweetie” several days ago, I realized he didn’t recognize me. This morning he smiled. Ever the polite gentleman, he nodded and said, “Hello, Ma’am.”
He has been eager to be out of bed. “Can we go now?” “Can I get up now?” One leg has regularly been over the side of the bed.
When he’s awake, his hands tremble. When the pace of tremors quickens, we know it’s time for the magic trifecta of calming balm: Benadryl, Ativan, Haldol. A nurse encouraged us not to put it on his arm without wearing a glove or we’d be napping right along with him.
I kissed his forehead and touched his arm when I arrived this morning. I could feel the heat rising from him and teared up.
The heat, the away-ness of his eyes, droop of his mouth, and open mouth breathing are all signs I recognize. Until today, I’ve seen him come back to present time when he opens his eyes. He’s slowly, slowly inhabiting a different place now.
His language has changed, too.
Monday night he said, “Unlock the door,” a common metaphor of the dying. Once the door is unlocked, more exploration happens.
…
Early this morning there were questions in rapid succession:
“The doors are open?”
“Is the door open, open, open?”
“Can you raise the floors?”
“How can we get out?”
“How do we pop it out?”
Much of the day he’s been reaching towards things the rest of us can’t see. Sometimes his eyes are open. Sometimes he smiles as he does it, pulling himself up off the bed. Sometimes his brow is furrowed as though he’s concentrating deeply.
He’s resting now. No pain meds have been needed for more than a week. He’s peaceful. He’s making his way.
He asked John tonight, “Can we undo this connection?”
Yes, Papa. As soon as you’re ready.
Full article listing
- Prologue - Mother's Day
- Part 1 - Making Peace With Death During Life
- Part 1a - Creating an environment for a peaceful death
- Part 2 - Musical Pharmaceuticals
- Part 2a - More Musical Pharmaceuticals
- Part 3 - When helping people to die is your work
- Part 3a - Death through the eyes of nurses
- Part 4 - It's always too soon until it's too late
- Part 4a - Advanced directives in an ICU
- Part 5 - I just can't keep from singing
- Part 5a - A heart-to-heart connection
- Part 6 - What we need to know when we help our loved ones to die
- Part 6a - More with Dr. Lakin
- Part 7 - Doctor/patient communication
- Part 7a - Holding two possibilities
- Part 8 - The language of death
- Part 8a - Discovering the patient's goals
- Part 9 - A death midwife
- Part 9a - End-of-life guides
- Part 10 - Signposts of dying
- Part 10a - Signposts in action
- Part 11 - Being a good patient advocate
- Part 11a - Behind the hospital curtain
- Part 12 - Home funerals
- Part 12a - Why embalming?
- Part 13 - End-of-life utterances
- Part 14 - Ongoing end-of-life treatment
- Part 15 - Beyond the statistics
- Part 16 - What doctors want at the end of life
- Part 16a - Doctor survey results
- Part 17 - Doctors talk about end of life
- Part 18 - How to be with someone who is dying
- Part 18a - Local hospice founder
- Part 19 - No regrets
- Part 20 - Do no harm during death
- Part 20a - Becoming a palliative care doctor
- Part 21 - Helping a child to die
- Part 22 - Helping a child to die, pt 2
- Part 22a - Marital stress when a child is dying
- Part 23 - Caregiver exhaustion
- Part 24 - A family's journey with disease
- Part 25 - Teaching the next generation
- Part 26 - A year of Living With Dying