Stand up to medical consent violations
Reclaiming your voice after a medical consent violation
Supporting you in acknowledging and communicating what happened to you
Have you experienced a moment at a medical provider’s office where:
- You felt they weren’t listening?
- They flat-out ignored your wishes?
- There was unwanted touch during an appointment?
- Or maybe you’re not exactly sure what the hell just happened, but you know you’re left with a distinctly uncomfortable feeling?

If you’re reading these words, my guess is you have … and you’re looking for help so you can go to a medical provider again in the future without feeling existential dread of it happening again.
I’ve been there. More than once. But I never did anything to dispel the frustration or distress. I assumed since doctors are highly trained, my feelings must be wrong.
But then, in 2019, I had an experience I couldn’t ignore. Here’s what happened:
I visited a chiropractor I hadn’t seen before. I’d been on his table for a few minutes when he said, “I’m going to do some traction on your neck.”
With absolutely no further explanation or warning, he strapped my head down to the table using a contraption that also held my jaw closed. Even worse, because he was sitting behind me, I had no idea it was coming. One moment I was absolutely fine, the next I was secured to a table by a man I didn’t know in a small room with no means of escape and the impression that I couldn’t communicate.
The dissociation was so severe that it took me two days to finally land back in my body.
This time I didn’t let myself get caught up in believing that “he must know better than me.” This time, I took action.
I wrote a letter to the offending practitioner about the incident. Here are some excerpts:
You may wonder why I didn’t say anything at the moment. It is not unusual for people who have experienced some level of sexual abuse, assault, or other trauma (as I have) to remove ourselves mentally and emotionally from what feels like a dangerous situation. We put on a smile and happy voice in order to get through the moment.
My entire focus narrowed to the knowledge that I was at a physical disadvantage; my background told me that if I did or said anything to upset the person who held the physical advantage, it could end VERY badly for me.
You will see in my email signature that I work in the field of sexuality and consent. Which is why I’m reaching out to you – not because I’m angry or even looking for an apology. But because if this type of response and dissociation happened for me, with a wealth of communication and negotiation skills at my disposal, imagine what happens to patients who have a similar response and have no way to process it or contextualize it.
I hope that in the future you will take an extra moment to communicate with each patient about what you are about to do. If it is something like strapping a person to a table, please get their verbal consent before proceeding.
For the first time I feel I’ve reclaimed my voice from a medical practitioner who didn’t seem to see the person inside the body and the symptoms.
If you are ready to reclaim YOUR voice from a practitioner who violated your consent, I’m here to support you.
Here’s what to expect:
SESSION 1 (one hour)
- We'll spend as much or as little time as you need talking about what happened.
- We'll sort through any questions you may have about whether you’re allowed to feel the way you do, and whether it actually needs to be addressed.
- We'll clarify exactly what needs to be addressed and what outcome you are seeking.
SESSION 2 (one hour)
- We'll work together to write a letter that helps you reclaim your voice in the face of an authority figure who left you feeling violated.
- We'll talk about what next steps will help you feel complete with this experience (perhaps you need to send the letter; perhaps you only need to share it with a friend; perhaps the writing was enough and now you want to burn it)
I am also available for optional follow-up sessions to work on tactics and exercises to help you feel empowered to stand for your own boundaries in future medical appointments ($125 per session).
THIS IS FOR YOU IF:
- You’ve had experiences of boundary violations in the past that linger in your mind because they went unaddressed, and you’re ready to try something new
- You want to experience standing for your boundaries in the face of a person who has violated them
- You question if what happened was “really that bad” and want support in clarifying what actually happened
- You want to reclaim your voice in response to someone not listening or dismissing your concerns
THIS IS NOT FOR YOU IF:
- You are pursuing legal action against the medical provider - I am not a lawyer and this is not a legal service.
- The only outcome that will satisfy you is a heartfelt apology from the provider or punishment for the provider - I cannot guarantee what response, if any, you will receive and my focus is helping you reclaim your voice
- The violation you experienced has left you with the type of PTSD symptoms that are best handled by a trauma specialist
PLEASE NOTE: If you are a medical provider who wants to learn more about providing consent-based services, I highly recommend Dr. Evelin Dacker.