I help adults who grew up in high-control environments understand why intimacy and relationships still feel hard — and how to build something that actually works.
Queer, kinky, non-monogamy friendly
Gender spectrum affirming
Consent first
Trauma informed
Schedule a free discovery call
20-30 minutes ♦ No pressure
If you grew up in a shame-ridden, high-control environment and ended up with distorted ideas about sex, love, and connection, you’re in the right place.
I care deeply about this work because it took me decades to figure out that there wasn’t anything actually “wrong” with me.
The truth was unsettling and relieving all at once: I was trained by my father to believe that my thoughts, feelings, and instincts were untrustworthy — and that only his version of reality was real. That conditioning taught me to doubt everything about myself, and it left me feeling unhinged a lot of the time.
Questioning the narrative wasn’t just discouraged — it was dangerous.
I was left with huge gaps in my childhood memory — a very common after-effect of high-control upbringing — which only deepened the sense that I was broken.
How was I supposed to heal something I couldn’t even remember?
That confusion made perfect sense when I understood that this was a feature, not a bug, of my father’s indoctrination.
What I learned as a result
- Healing isn’t about pushing through fear — it’s about creating safety
- Consent is impossible without self-trust
- Desire can’t emerge under pressure
- The nervous system sets the pace, not willpower
- Being gentle is not the same as being passive
My philosophy is simple: we begin exactly where you are. Not where you think you should be or where others have told you is normal. We move at the speed of your nervous system — because too slow can feel unbearable, and too fast can shut everything down. This is deeply personalized, collaborative work, and I’m here with you every step of the way.
My point of view:
High-control childhoods — whether religious, family-based, ideological, or cultural — shape how we relate to:
- authority
- safety
- desire
- boundaries
- self-trust
They teach us to override ourselves in order to belong or stay safe.
That’s why so many people leave and still struggle with sex, communication, or closeness years later. The issue isn’t willpower or insight — it’s nervous-system conditioning.
My work sits at the intersection of:
- trauma-informed care
- consent-based intimacy
- nervous-system awareness
- relational skill-building
Nothing here is about fixing you. You’re not broken.
It’s about helping your system learn that it no longer has to operate under control.
My values:
- Clear, inclusive coaching that helps you feel seen — not analyzed or shamed
- Queer-, kink-, non-monogamy-affirming
- Financial inclusivity for all
- Gender spectrum inclusivity and anti-racist
In our work together:
- We move slowly enough for your body to stay present
- You are always in control of what we talk about and how far we go
- Self-trust replaces self-override
I don’t believe in forcing breakthroughs or prescribing one “right” way to relate, desire, or connect.
Training & experience:
My background includes:
- Years of experience working with individuals and couples around intimacy, communication, and boundaries
- Specialized focus on shame, desire, and relational patterns shaped by high-control environments
- Ongoing training in trauma-informed and consent-based practices
I also regularly contribute to public conversations around relationships, intimacy, and cultural conditioning through writing, interviews, and media appearances.
As seen in:
If this speaks to you, the next step is a short discovery call.
We’ll talk about what’s not working for you, what you want instead, and whether coaching together makes sense.