Episode 22 – Davina

Davina Bookbinder is a 33-year-old, transgender woman who describes herself as white, Jewish, queer, polyamorous and actively dating.

Major themes in this episode include being transgender, discovering and navigating gender identity, and sex as a trans woman.

This episode is extra long because there’s just SOOOO much great material!

Davina is a good friend and she and I have had long conversations about gender in general and her gender in particular.  It is because she and I have developed a foundation of trust that I’m able to ask questions that we wouldn’t normally ask.  PLEASE KNOW that many of the questions I ask in this interview are NOT questions that are appropriate to ask a trans person in regular conversation.  But that’s true of all the conversations on this show, right?!?  I ask deeply personal questions that you would never think to ask someone at a dinner party.  The problem for trans people is that there is such curiosity around their bodies and their genitals that people end up believing they’re allowed to ask those questions at the dinner party.

So consider this your opportunity to listen in on the questions you WISH you could ask – yes, we talk about having sex as a trans person and how it works.  Yes, we talk about the current state of her genitals and how she likes them to be interacted with.  And yes, we talk about the intersection of mental health and being transgender.

Many, many thanks to Davina for showing up and being willing to have this conversation.  I love you, girl!

You can find Davina at www.therebelliousjewess.com and on Instagram at @therebelliousjewess. Davina is also the Programming Director for Sex Positive Portland.

 

Here are some of the great moments she shared with us:

  • 4:30 – Davina’s early sexual experiences with both genders
  • 7:50 – The difference she felt between physical pleasure with boys, emotional connection with girls
  • 12:20 – Davina’s early experience with porn
  • 14:40 – How gender norms impacted Davina’s recognition of being trans
  • 18:20 – Davina’s feelings about being in male settings
  • 20:40 – The nail polish blow up
  • 24:50 – Discovering her gender identity and getting divorced
  • 26:30 – Diving into therapy around gender identity
  • 34:50 – Gender and the brain
  • 36:45 – Davina talks about having top surgery
  • 40:10 – Waiting for bottom surgery
  • 42:30 – Her body in gender transition and how it has affected her sexuality and orgasm
  • 46:00 – Terminology for genitalia in transition, function, sexual pleasure
  • 55:20 – Going through multiple puberties
  • 56:45 – The positive impact of transition in every area of Davina’s life

 

The Quick 5:

  • 50:17 – Do you have sex during a partner’s period?
  • 50:28 – Have you ever felt a sexual urge that confused you?
  • 52:57 – What kind of touch do you enjoy the most?
  • 53:37 – Are there sexual things you’ve tried that you never want to do again?
  • 54:25 – How often do you masturbate?

 

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

  • AVAILABLE TO EVERYONE – Davina talks about dysphoria and about the intersection of the transgender community and mental health issues
  • At the $1/month level, Davina talks about gender norms and her desire for things that are considered feminine when she was a child
  • At the $5/month level, Davina discusses the ins and outs of gender confirmation surgery (also known as top and bottom surgery)
  • At the $7/month level, all that PLUS the extended Q&A!
  • At the $10/month level, all that plus a monthly Ask Me Anything!

To become a Patreon supporter, visit www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/good-girls-talk-about-sex/id1436501617?mt=2.

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak