I had to get drunk to have sex – Tenisha
Tenisha is a 29-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as black, heterosexual, monogamous, average body type, currently in a relationship, and Christian.
A few months ago, Tenisha interviewed me for her podcast Choose Love. During that conversation, Tenisha mentioned that she was a practicing Christian who chose a period of intentional celibacy as an adult. So of course I wanted to interview her here!
In this conversation she talks about her early conversations in internet chat rooms, needing alcohol in order to have sex, her choice to become celibate at age 23, and the relationship she’s in now.
Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:
- 6:10 – Tenisha’s first memory of sexual experience – getting kissed by a boy on the bus and being embarrassed
- 8:00 – Tenisha signed on to AOL chatrooms at age 8, pretending to be older
- 12:00 – Her early “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” explorations
- 13:00 – The convergence of masturbation and guilt as a result of her religious upbringing
- 16:20 – Growing up in a home where Christian teachings are espoused, yet with parents who were lying and cheating
- 19:00 – Tenisha talks about witnessing domestic violence as a child
- 25:40 – The lack of sex ed at school and discovering porn online
- 29:00 – Tenisha’s traumatic first sexual experience
- 32:00 – Her history of having to get drunk in order to have sex
- 33:30 – Embracing Christianity, getting baptized and deciding to become celibate
- 38:35 – Realizing she’s ready for love again, meeting current boyfriend
- 42:00 – Tenisha’s decision to end celibacy within her current relationship
- 43:45 – Finally experiencing orgasm and sexual pleasure, while still having to deal with old trauma and issues around sex
The Lowdown (47:38):
- Do you have sex during your period?
- Can you orgasm from intercourse alone without other stimulation?
- Do you prefer the orgasm from masturbating or sex with another person?
- What kind of touch do you enjoy most?
- What are your hard red lines?
- Do you enjoy giving blowjobs?
- Do you swallow?
- What belief did you have about sex as a child or teenager that you wish you could correct her on now?
The Patreon extras for this episode are:
- At the $1/month level, Tenisha talks about her relationship with alcohol and what sex was like when she quit
- At the $5/month level, Tenisha talks about the relationship she ended after her mom’s death
- At the $7/month level, that conversation plus the extended Q&A
- At the $10/month level, all that plus a monthly Ask Me Anything!
Learn more and become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.
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Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!
To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching
Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Music by – Nazar Rybak