Is it too late to get what I want? – Jo

Jo is a 58-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, heteroflexible, and in a friends-with-benefits situation. She deals with ongoing physical issues that make sex challenging. Her preferred relationship style is “none” – as in, she doesn’t want a defined romantic relationship. Before we started recording she said, “I don’t want to be picking up your socks or do your laundry. I may cook you dinner occasionally, but that’s because I want to cook not because you’re hungry.”

While I did my best to maintain my regular sense of equilibrium during this interview, it was a particularly personal one for me. Jo and I don’t really know each other, but our families have been intertwined for a long time. In order to preserve the privacy of others not on this call, we kept the specifics vague, but we were both curious to find out if we would learn new things about our shared history in this conversation.

Major themes in this episode include preferring to not have committed relationships, navigating sex with physical difficulties/birth defects, internet dating, gender norms, and sex after menopause.

Here are some of the great moments she shared with us:

  • 2:52 – Jo’s first memory of sexual pleasure
  • 5:00 – Jo’s early medical history, including birth defects (Jo’s language for her physical challenges) and surgeries to correct them
  • 13:00 – Jo’s sexual experience with a family friend, then listening to his brother getting beaten for masturbating
  • 17:00 – Being pushed into sexual interaction and having to say no
  • 25:00 – Learning to self pleasure; also having no one to talk about it with, and the fear of AIDS
  • 25:40 – Her fears about sex easing after the death of her mother, and starting to explore internet dating
  • 29:55 – Having sex with another person for the first time at 46, and her difficulties with intercourse due to childhood surgeries
  • 32:20 – Jo’s techniques to learn how to have intercourse pleasurably, if at all; necessity of mentally relaxing for it to be possible
  • 34:00 – Using blow jobs to take pressure off of her during sex
  • 35:00 – Insisting on a friends-with-benefits structure for relationships
  • 38:00 – Jo’s trauma response, including needing to know when touch will be coming

The Lowdown [37:40]

  • What kind of touch do you enjoy most?
  • Approximate number of sexual partners
  • Do you enjoy receiving oral sex?
  • How do you feel about ass play?
  • Do you enjoy dirty talk during sexual encounters?
  • What is a myth about sex you’ve had to unlearn?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

  • At the $1/month level, Jo talks about the violence she experienced as a girl because she didn’t dress or act according to gender expectations.
  • At the $5/month level, Jo describes the sexual harassment she experienced in the workplace in the early 1980s.
  • At the $7/month level, that conversation plus the extended Q&A.
  • At the $10/month level, all that plus a monthly Ask Me Anything!

Learn more and become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/good-girls-talk-about-sex/id1436501617?mt=2.

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak