I resented that my body was attractive to men – Lois
Lois carried shame into her adulthood due to childhood sexual abuse. As an adult, she found healing and had wonderful sex with her current husband, which has dwindled as they’ve gotten older. She talks about her how the abuse affected her relationship with her body and sex, participating in “free love” during the 60s, and her relationship with sex as she has gotten older.
Lois is a 70-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as mostly white, straight, married for 38 years, monogamous, and post-menopausal. She has three grown children.
Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:
- 4:29 – Lois talks about being abused as a child
- 9:20 – Lois’ mother witnessed the abuse and didn’t stop it
- 10:05 – Lois’ experience of sexual shame in the aftermath of the abuse
- 12:45 – Her early consensual sexual experiences, and feelings of extreme guilt.
- 15:00 – The pleasure response that can happen even during abuse
- 17:15 – Coming of age sexually in the mid-1960s and her first consensual sexual relationship.
- 22:50 – The Summer of Love
- 27:20 – Meeting her first husband at age 24
- 29:00 S- Making sure she received pleasure during sex
- 31:30 – How the abuse affected her feelings about her body, and hating her body as a sexual vessel
- 34:13 – Experiencing love at first sight with her second husband
- 35:10 – Telling her husband about her abuse background after a triggering event at work
- 38:51 – Having a great sex life in her 40s
- 39:40 – Going through early menopause after a hysterectomy and the dwindling of their sex life
The Lowdown (43:37)
- What is your relationship with your body like today?
- How long ago did you stop having regular sex?
- Is there anything that you fantasized about that you didn’t have a chance to try?
The Patreon extras for this episode are:
- $5/mo – How her own experience of childhood sexual abuse affected Lois’ communication with her children about sex.
- $7/mo – Extended Q&A
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Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Music – Nazar Rybak