The worse I felt, the more sex I had – Maya
Maya was born in the Sudan and came to the United States at age 6. She shares the frustrations she’s had around religion and how it affected her sexuality, the way she used sex in her early life to fill an emotional void, and the pleasure she has finally found with her husband.
Maya is a 30-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as mixed race (black and white), heteroflexible, married, monogamous with the possibility of some monogamish play, with a young daughter. She was born in the Sudan and came to the United States at age 6. She was brought up Muslim and describes her body as tall and thick.
Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:
- 2:40 – As a girl, Maya thought sexuality was perverted and made fun of it with friends
- 6:00 – Growing up in an Islamic household where sex was a sin, and she wasn’t allowed to date
- 8:30 – Maya describes being chaperoned by her mom on a date to the movies (but her brother was allowed to date without chaperone)
- 10:52 – Losing her virginity at 19 to a senior in college
- 16:45 – Her “first love” was a typical bad boy.
- 20:00 – The way Maya used sex during a deep depression – needing the attention to feel desired and feel better about herself.
- 22:30 – A boss who pays her for sexy play
- 25:50 – The impact Osho’s book “Sex Matters” had on her view of sex and religion
- 27:44 – How her appearance (being tall and “thicc”) differs in desirability/impact on black vs white men—and how she only dates black men.
- 29:37 – Her husband is the first person she’s with who prioritizes her pleasure and it’s disconcerting.
- 31:31 – Contemplating a threesome with her husband and another woman, and the nerves she has about the idea
- 34:40 – The reasons sex has slowed down since Maya married her husband – not just having a child, but also their deep beliefs about sex and the role it should have in marriage
The Lowdown (37:27)
- What belief did you have about sex as a child or a young woman that you wish you could correct her on now?
A lot of people are under financial strain right now, so I’m making all the Patreon extras available for free to everyone. Thank you to community members who continue to show your support through this hard time. The Patreon extras for this episode are:
- A deeper dive into Maya’s experience of depression, and how losing her identity as an athlete in college was a big driver
- Maya talks more about her “lesbian phase”
- The extended Lowdown Q&A
- “Sex Matters” by Osho – Osho is a complicated figure – he is still revered by some for his insights into sexual energy and relaxing attitudes toward human sexuality. However he has also been accused of sexual impropriety and abuse by many of his followers. I am not one to throw the baby out with the bathwater, however, so I’m providing this resource for those who may find it helpful while also encouraging you to do some further reading of the full context of Osho’s teachings.
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Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Music – Nazar Rybak