Jan 17

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The miracle of compassion

This past summer, I ended a two-year relationship. I knew it was the right thing to do – the relationship no longer made me happy – but it was still SO hard. He was up for a big promotion, I was in the middle of waiting to hear about the big contests I’d entered – so many things were up in the air for both of us. We’d seen each other through a lot of stressful stuff leading up to that moment. As we tearfully said our goodbyes, I told him that I’d like to know whether he got the promotion and asked if he wanted to hear from me about the contests.  He said, “No, I can’t look back. I can only look forward. I don’t want to hear from you.”

At the time, I was desperately sad. I couldn’t blame him – I was the one ending the relationship and I knew he was hurt. But my past experience had led me to believe that contact after a break up was normal. It didn’t necessarily feel good (in fact it usually felt crappy, like constantly moving your tongue around a sore tooth), but it was normal. This time I had to suddenly go from talking on the phone multiple times a day to not at all and I didn’t know how to handle it.

Over the last several days, I’ve felt something brewing under my skin that I knew needed to be handled – a friendship that has been very meaningful, but which is no longer healthy for me. Tonight I had to “break up” with my friend, telling them that for a while I need to not have contact.

I suddenly have so much more compassion for my ex. A teacher once said to me that you’ll never fully understand something until you’ve been on both sides of it. I fought against that lesson for a long time, but once again I’m learning how true it is. It is only in experiencing this situation with a friend that I can finally understand why my ex asked to not hear from me and I can fully support and respect his decision. At the time I thought he was being immature and vindictive. Now I think he was probably acting in a healthier way than I was. That’s not something I thought I’d ever say, but I’m grateful to see it.

He’s a good man and he deserves a wonderful life with someone who will be a much better match for him than I was. And I deserve the same.

About the author

Leah Carey

Leah Carey is the Chief Miracle Officer of The Miracle Journal, where she writes about the large and small miracles that happen in her life every day. She is a life coach, speaker, journalist, freelance writer, and lover of life. In all of those pursuits, she works with people to identify what’s already right in your life so you can build an even more joyful and fulfilling daily experience from that foundation. You can find her on Facebook, , Twitter, and YouTube.

Permanent link to this article: https://www.leahcarey.com/themiraclejournal/2011/01/17/the-miracle-of-compassion/