So much has happened in the last 24 hours that I think I could write a mini-novel instead of a blog entry. Here’s the Cliff Notes version. 🙂
For me, realizations of growth and change always feel like a miracle and it makes me happy to chronicle them for myself. However, recently I’ve become aware that many of my entries start with an explanation of how things “used to be” in order to make the contrast to the new realization of how things are now (yesterday’s description of always needing to be smart is a great example).
A couple of years ago, this sort of comparison to the past was really useful – a measuring stick to show me how far I had come and how much I had grown…especially because it was happening so fast. More recently, though, I think perhaps I’ve been using the comparison to the past as a crutch. It’s a way to keep reminding myself of the difficulties of the past, to keep dredging it up and seeing if it still hurts.
The time for saying, “I am proud of myself because a few years ago I never would have been able to do this” is passed. Now is the time to say simply, “I am proud of myself.” PERIOD. There need not be any qualifiers or quantifiers. It is simply enough to let it be what it is. I now choose to be present with TODAY’s experience.
So today I say –
- I am proud of myself because today I chose to demonstrate that I have respect for myself in my relationships.
- I am at turns both sad and excited that last night I lived a true miracle – an experience of complete oneness with the universe. Excited because…well, let’s face it, that’s exciting! Sad because the experience and feeling aren’t something that I could hold on to…although I’m guessing that’s the kind of thing I’m not meant to hold on to. That’s the point of being really present.
So here’s to staying in the moment. The past is done. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said,
“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.“
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Karen McCrocklin
February 8, 2011 at 5:52 PM (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I want to hear more about your night!
Leah Carey
February 8, 2011 at 8:09 PM (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Ah yes – in trying to be brief, I did shortchange the story a bit!
I woke into a half-sleep/half-awake state last night. In that space, I was aware of being completely connected in to the universe, God, and all that is. The only specific memory that I have of it is that I didn’t know my name, who I was, or where I was. I simply was. My “ego self” had completely dropped away.
I don’t know how long it lasted, but it felt like a long time – 20 minutes? Maybe 30? But perhaps only 5…who knows?
Other than the awareness that it happened, I have no memory of what it felt like or what I experienced.
It’s strange to know that I had this HUGE experience and yet I can’t remember it or even touch the edges of it.
I’d be very interested to hear other people’s stories of experiencing oneness…
Jeffrey Sumber
February 9, 2011 at 12:02 AM (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Leah! Sounds like you had a perfectly transcendent experience:) Thanks for sharing more about it in the last comment! You are a great gift in the world. Jeffrey
Leah Carey
February 9, 2011 at 9:26 AM (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Thanks so much for your comment and for your presence in my world, Jeffrey. 🙂
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