Last weekend I wrote about entertaining the possibility of forgiveness for some old anger. I’ve spent the last four days knowing that it was time, that I had all the tools to do the work, and that I was the only one holding myself back. And yet, I resisted. I knew what to do, and yet I wouldn’t allow myself to do it.
Old voices kept saying in my head, “Why should I be the one to give in? How come I have to be the bigger person? Why can’t I just wait until they figure out that they did wrong and come apologize to me?”
But something shifted last weekend when I admitted out loud that the time had come to forgive. Even though I wasn’t actively doing the steps of the forgiveness process, my heart was already healing. I know because I could tell the old voices were just that – old, out-of-date, out-of-touch. I listened to them with one ear. Before last weekend, I’d been listening with my whole heart and soul.
Suddenly, while I was showering this morning, the words started coming out of my mouth. I didn’t even really have to try. They were just there. And the most amazing thing happened. I’d been anticipating that it would be a long, hard, emotional process with lots of levels and tentacles. It turns out that as soon as I said the first sentence out loud…it was done. I kept going and completed the process for good measure, but the anger literally fell away in under 2 seconds when these words came out of my mouth:
They were hurting. They didn’t know any better way to handle their hurt.
Every single thing I felt so righteously angry about for ten years fell away in light of that knowledge – they were hurting and they didn’t know any better way to handle it. They hadn’t viciously scoped me out as a target and willfully tried to hurt me – I just happened to be the closest person in range.
None of that means that what happened back then is magically okay – the things that happened weren’t okay. But I’m the only that I was hurting by staying angry. Letting go of the anger means that I’m no longer holding on to responsibility for keeping them in line. Now responsibility for their actions lies entirely with them to do with as they wish.
I was astonished at how fast it happened. I’ve seen instantaneous healings before in the workshops I lead and in other classes I’ve taken – moments where someone reaches deep inside of themselves and pulls up the absolute truth that sets them free. I’ve even experienced it before myself. But I guess what makes it miraculous is that you can’t plan for it or orchestrate the moment when it happens – it just happens.
Today I am grateful to myself for setting another little bit of my soul free. And that it was so effortless. Thank you God.
**If you’re interested in the forgiveness process that I use, leave a comment and I’ll be happy to send it to you. It’s very simple and very effective.**
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Tonya
April 14, 2011 at 10:49 PM (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Leah, I am very interested in your process.I just read today in the Oprah magazine (May) the article about forgiveness. It was very interesting.I have some forgiving to do myself…not only others…but myself as well. Blessings to you, Tonya
Leah Carey
April 17, 2011 at 11:26 PM (UTC -4) Link to this comment
It’s on the way to you Tonya! Good luck and please let me know how it works for you.
Deb
April 16, 2011 at 7:33 PM (UTC -4) Link to this comment
so, what’s the process? 🙂
Leah Carey
April 17, 2011 at 11:26 PM (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Coming atcha, Deb! Let me know how it works when you try it. 🙂
Karen
May 19, 2011 at 12:44 AM (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Hello Leah,
I was told about this article from a women in a group that we attended together. Such a burden is lifted, and a sense of freedom comes over you. I’m very interested in learning your process.
But by the Grace of God
Thanks Karen
Leah Carey
May 19, 2011 at 8:23 AM (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Welcome Karen! I agree with you about the feeling of freedom. What a relief! 🙂
I’ll send you an email with the process later today.
With a hug,
Leah
dagatha
July 31, 2011 at 8:09 AM (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Hi!.
I think this is no strange feeling.
But the one who can let go, is the happiest.
I wrote about forgiveness, but unfortunatelly it is in Romanian. Maybe I will translate it someday.
I used your photo on my blog. It is an article about kindness and forgiveness.
Have a nice day 🙂
Leah Carey
August 3, 2011 at 9:15 PM (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Thank you, Dagatha. I’d love to read your post if you translate it!
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