Aug 06

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Shifting to a new space

Today I got the most wonderful email from a reader:

I read about the book, Five Wishes, in one of your postings. I just finished reading it, and wrote down my wishes, as I see them at this point, and even turned them into the positive, present goals that Gay Hendricks recommends. Nothing drastic has changed in my life so far (it’s been about half an hour!), but it puts things into perspective, and helps me realize what changes I can make, and what will take a lot more work.

This email absolutely makes my day!!!  I think it’s hilarious that the writer has a good enough sense of humor to admit that she’d like things to change immediately but recognizes it might take a bit longer.  I SO get that!  🙂

More important, though, is that she really got the point of the exercise – seeing that there are changes she can make TODAY, right now, that will move her toward her goals.

It’s so easy to get stuck in our current mindset and not see any avenues or opportunities for change (and I’m as guilty as anyone of that.)  But all it takes is a slight shift in focus to see that there might be one small thing… that leads to another small thing… that leads to another small thing…

And so on.

I see it every time I work with a client.  I see it within myself every time I commit to doing my own internal work.

In fact, just this morning I had a major epiphany – wow, I didn’t expect to share this, but here I am typing it, so I guess it’s ready to be shared.

I’ve had two past relationships in which I was told that I was sexually selfish.  It made me angry, upset, sad, scared…a whole wealth of emotions from two little words.  Mostly I was mad that they would be so insensitive as to say that to me.  I wasn’t even enjoying the sex, so I was especially mad that they would be so mean to me when they obviously didn’t care about my pleasure.

Fast forward to this morning – bright flash of white and the noise of the universe exploding…

You know what?  THEY WERE RIGHT!!!!  I was sexually selfish (although perhaps not in exactly the way they meant).  I was so caught up in my own experience of being unfulfilled and scared that I completely forgot to pay attention to whether they were having any pleasure.  I didn’t work to make sure that they were taken care of, so why should I expect that they were working to make sure that I was?

Mostly, it was selfish of me to continue taking up both of our time by continuing to participate in a relationship that wasn’t fulfilling me.  I stayed in the relationship while whining about it – who did that serve? It would have been a much more generous choice for me to end the relationship so we were both free to find someone that DID satisfy us.

It’s a small shift in focus, but a MAJOR shift in consciousness.  And I’m now clear that I can not and will not ever accept that situation again.  Just like I think the person who wrote that email today will find that there are things in her world that she can no longer see through old eyes and old assumptions.

It takes some work, but boy oh boy is it worth it!  🙂

About the author

Leah Carey

Leah Carey is the Chief Miracle Officer of The Miracle Journal, where she writes about the large and small miracles that happen in her life every day. She is a life coach, speaker, journalist, freelance writer, and lover of life. In all of those pursuits, she works with people to identify what’s already right in your life so you can build an even more joyful and fulfilling daily experience from that foundation. You can find her on Facebook, , Twitter, and YouTube.

Permanent link to this article: https://www.leahcarey.com/themiraclejournal/2011/08/06/shifting-to-a-new-space/


  1. Maria

    You ask a question, “Who did that serve?” It’s a simple and short question that’s packed with power. If I could just make it a more consistent practice to ask it of myself, both in it’s past tense and present one! I appreciate the hint. I’m so happy you are brave enough to write personally on the subject of sex. As part of my own inner work, I’ve encountered some of the same issues you write about. Who knew sex was supposed to be pleasurable? NOT the way it was presented to me in my formative years, about a century and a half ago! LOL Recently, I’ve been thinking that it IS GOOD for needs to be met for both parties and I’m thinking this applies to other areas besides sex too. Talk about the lights being on and nobody’s home! For an intelligent woman, I’d carried so many self-defeating and creativity squashing beliefs. It’s taken me a lifetime to work through a ditch-full of them. Now, with previously ‘hidden’ topics being discussed out in the open, I have renewed hope for my new life beginning this very moment!

  2. Leah Carey

    How wonderful, Maria. When I started writing that post, I had no idea it was going to go there, but I’m really glad it did. Sometimes it feels really good to get that stuff out in the open – I’m glad that it’s of use to someone else as well. Sending you a hug!

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