Good morning Challengers! This morning I’m wanting to get calm and centered as I look forward to a day that is likely to have some bumps.
So far “wanting” to get calm and centered isn’t getting me any closer to actually “being” calm and centered. I know that I have to sit down and do the practice to get there. But “wanting” to be there is so much more familiar!!
Howard Thurman
Sort of like worrying about money is so much more familiar to me than feeling worthy and capable with money. Even though I make a little progress each day, the habitual thoughts and patterns still show themselves. It’s a day-by-day process. Actually, it’s a moment-by-moment process.
Here’s one of my favorite quotes that I’ve been thinking about a bunch lately:
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” –Howard Thurman
Wishing you all a wonderful and miraculous day!
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William
October 5, 2011 at 11:48 AM (UTC -5) Link to this comment
What a fitting day for me to return to the Miracle Challenge after being away for a couple of weeks. My personal challenge was to spend the month being more aware of what helps me connect to my core of joy/love/wellbeing and what things take me away. The first insights were that being judgmental or perceiving judgment in others was associated with a loss of connection to joy. Then I realized that what I was seeking wasn’t continual joy as in an absence of unpleasant feelings but the ability to remain connected to my core of joy/love/wellbeing while experiencing the fulness of the emotional life. Then followed two weeks of feeling joy as a more or less subtle undercurrent and feeling something else that was familiar, distinctly not joyful, and mysterious. What is this feeling? Is it like inertia of unpleasant past feelings that aren’t any particular feeling but there just because I’ve gotten good at feeling unpleasant? Finally this morning I understood intellectually that I’ve been feeling guilt for not accomplishing more each day.
It’s easy enough to see where this feeling began in my life that there’s no need to find a psychiatrist to help me dig into preverbal childhood memories. No, it began with higher education where for a decade my worth to others depended on academic performance and there was never enough time to do everything that needed to be done as well as I wanted to do it. Consequently, I felt guilty anytime I wasn’t working effectively. As I write this I am amazed to feel so clearly that “I’m not lovable-likable-worthy if I’m not producing.” If I’m not producing and hence not lovable how dare I be joyful and filled with a sense of wellbeing.
Seeing this I have decided to eat more chocolate and sit very still. Come feelings of judgment. Come feelings of guilt. Come feelings of being ugly and unlovable. I will open my awareness and heart to you. I will wrap you in a blanket of well being from deep in my core. You wil rest. You will be healed. You will be free. I will sit here feeling you until your dark hues loose their intensity and then I too will be free.
Susan M
October 5, 2011 at 10:55 PM (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I have had that quote posted on my refrigerator for the past 4 years. I love that quote.
My miracles: I continue to practice mindfulness, I try! What I notice is that I am taking better care of myself. I think it is a direct result. As I practice, I’ve honed my power of listening. I am much better able to hear the messages that my body and spirit give me.
So, I think this is the next phase. It became easier to practice. Now, its that I notice how rich my life is.
Today, I enjoyed helping a good friend. And I could be available to her because I am taking better care of me.
LMVL
October 15, 2011 at 10:09 PM (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Dear William,
I have kept your comments on Day 21 open in a window on my computer for well… 9 days. I LOVE your post here! I understand so well what you wrote about feeling guilty about not accomplishing more each day and anytime you felt you weren’t working effectively to fit everything all in and be all that you can be. I can so relate to that feeling of not lovable-likable-worthy if not producing and firing all cylinders at all times. While it’s obviously not a truth, that feeling still creeps up and becomes an inner criticism.
I LOVE your decision to eat more chocolate and sit very still. =) What a smile that brought to my face. AWESOME! Brave, admirable, and yummy! I also love your approach to the onslaught of judgment and guilt. Kill them with kindness comes to mind! I felt free myself after reading your words. Patience, Kindness, and Love – you will surely dissolve that negativity and find that self care is productive too, especially when it’s creative and involves chocolate and slow steady breathing! Blessings to you and thank you for sharing. Your words stay with me and always make me smile.
William
October 16, 2011 at 9:53 AM (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Thank you LMVL! Your kind words bring tears of joy to my eyes.