Today I went to lunch with a new friend – someone I’ve been wanting to get to know for a while, but our schedules hadn’t matched up until today. The beginning of our meeting was hilarious – the restaurant we were going to meet at was closed, she had trouble finding a space to park in, etc. By the time we met on the sidewalk, we were already laughing.
Once we sat down for lunch and started talking, I knew she is someone I’ll enjoy getting to know. But something was keeping me from being really present. I couldn’t put it into words, but it was like this undercurrent of static buzzing. It was almost auditory, but I could feel it energetically in my body as well.
I didn’t know what to do because I wanted to be able to clear it out, but the only thing that seemed like it might help would be to cry. And crying 10 minutes after you meet someone isn’t necessarily the best way to make a good impression.
But the buzzing in my head started to get so loud that I could hardly hear. The couple of times that I spoke, it was like I was hearing myself from a 100 miles away.
Finally the moment came when I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I took a risk. I said to her, “I really want to be present with you, but there’s this weird thing going on and I feel like I’m going to cry.”
Even though I could tell she was a safe person, it felt like stepping way out on a skinny branch.
She was so loving. I talked for a couple minutes about the craziness going on in my head, shed a few tears…and the buzzing stopped. Completely.
I don’t know exactly what that was, where it came from, or why I had to handle it that way, but I’m immensely grateful for the experience. I stepped outside my comfort zone and discovered that it was okay. I made a new friend – and truthfully, the rest of our conversation was probably much deeper and more honest because of it.
So there you go – crying is good. 🙂
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5 comments
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sheila callaham
March 11, 2012 at 11:31 PM (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Wow! What an amazing and wonderful story!
sheila callaham recently posted at their blog…Shawn Anderson: Empowerment is up to you
Leah Carey
March 12, 2012 at 2:29 PM (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Thanks Sheila. 🙂 And next time you make a comment on the Journal, your CommentLuv will show up as my name! What fun…
Denise Wolf
March 12, 2012 at 1:57 PM (UTC -5) Link to this comment
How fascinating.
I always want to know why something happens. You were with someone who could hold a safe space for you, which is terrific. Do you know what the noise was about? Not asking you to share but I would think if you don’t know, there might be a message there to explore. Some of my greatest insights come from unexpected experiences.
Leah Carey
March 12, 2012 at 2:31 PM (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Hi Denise,
Thanks for asking. I’d been alone in my head for several days at that point and hadn’t made an effort to reach out to my support network. Generally, talking things out (and writing) is my processing mechanism, but having not done that, my guess is that it all just backed up inside me and needed an outlet. Thankfully Anitra was a safe person to express it with. Definitely a reminder to keep doing what I need to do in order to stay healthy! 🙂
Collyer
September 20, 2014 at 10:02 PM (UTC -5) Link to this comment
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