May 28

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Emotional hangover, part 2

Last week I wrote about feeling an emotional hangover from a major recognition and restructuring of my own reality.

The truth is that a week later, I’m still there.  I’m emotionally exhausted and still working things through in my mind and heart.  This isn’t an easy place for me to be in.

My last relationship was six months long (some of it was chronicled here on the Journal).  We’ve now been apart for almost six months.  There’s a part of my brain that is telling me that I should be over it by now.  But the other part of my brain knows that I’m still healing and grieving something much bigger and much deeper than just those six months.  I’m healing through a lifetime of beliefs and behaviors that no longer serve me.

On the post Desperately Seeking Dysfunction, Judy commented:

But how do you let go? My intellect is fine with that, but my emotions so far are having nothing to do with it! It’s been two months now & I am not getting better – I am still super attached & sad & grieving.

I’ve been sitting with her question for the last week, waiting for the response to fully form.  Here’s what I’ve come up with so far —

The letting go process doesn’t happen on a time table.  It happens in increments of the heart, and there is no way to predict how or when each increment will happen.

The most important part of the journey, though, is forgiveness.  In my case, I need to forgive myself for wanting him to give me what I needed to give myself.  I need to forgive myself for choosing someone who couldn’t meet me in a place of healing and forward movement.  I need to forgive myself for wanting someone else to heal my pain.  And I need to forgive him for not being the person I wanted him to be (which is ultimately about forgiving myself again.)

I think those (and probably other) forgivenesses are at the base of letting go.  And the forgiveness is entirely for my own sake…because as long as I hold on to the anger and sadness that I’m currently feeling, I can’t move forward.

Image found here.

About the author

Leah Carey

Leah Carey is the Chief Miracle Officer of The Miracle Journal, where she writes about the large and small miracles that happen in her life every day. She is a life coach, speaker, journalist, freelance writer, and lover of life. In all of those pursuits, she works with people to identify what’s already right in your life so you can build an even more joyful and fulfilling daily experience from that foundation. You can find her on Facebook, , Twitter, and YouTube.

Permanent link to this article: https://www.leahcarey.com/themiraclejournal/2012/05/28/emotional-hangover-part-2/


  1. Judy

    I just came home from rehearsing with the band I’m in. I am starting to think that singing helps me to let go! I feel so high after singing that it’s hard to think about anything I’m missing.

    But seriously, I don’t think I’m hanging on to anything I need to forgive. I think I feel like we both did our best. I’m just sad & missing my super handsome, cuddly, fun best friend.

    I dunno. Time… Definitely cultivating quality friendships is helping. I know forgiveness is essential, but I think I’m in a different place. Maybe I am just too focused on loss – what I’ve lost, what I’m missing. I will try to focus on what I’ve gained & the new possibilities.

    With love,

  2. Denise Wolf

    Fighting the stream with the “should be’s” of life tends to be futile in my experience. It is what it is and it will take the time that it takes. Our rushing to escape the pain, I would be an escape artist if this were magic, does not allow the insight you have shared and the truth for you. I think it can be different for all of us. I do think one consistent truth is that pain is a teacher if we let it be and if we do the work our hearts will catch up with our heads or vice versa.
    The wounds can be very raw along the way.

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