Is it fear or is it boredom?

Earlier this year I had the opportunity to submit a book proposal to Hay House, the biggest publisher in the personal development industry. If you have been reading for a while, you’ll remember that I chronicled that experience here on the Journal and over on Facebook.  I was incredibly blessed to have so much support from so many of you.

I worked really hard on that document and I was really proud of it.

But here’s the thing I wasn’t even willing to admit to myself at the time – I wasn’t especially psyched about the book I was proposing to them.  It felt kind of “ho hum”.  I remember reading some of the chapter summaries and feeling fuzzy on how exactly I would write about them. But I pushed those thoughts out of my head to be dealt with another day.  All that mattered was having a finished book proposal to submit by the deadline.

And then I didn’t get the contract.  Which was a disappointment and a small blow to the ego, but it wasn’t as devastating as I would have imagined.  And even then I wasn’t able to admit to myself why – because it was a book I didn’t really want to write.

In the last couple weeks it finally occurred to me what that was all about – I was proposing the book that I thought Hay House would want to publish, rather than the book that I wanted to write!!!  And the result was that neither of us was willing to invest in it. Thank goodness I didn’t get that contract!

Why am I telling you this?  Because in the aftermath of having the book I thought I should write rejected, I’ve discovered the book I really want to write – the one that feels so organic, so completely me, so totally exciting that I can’t believe I’m the one who gets to write it!!!!

As part of the creation process, I’ve been doing interviews with some amazing people and thinking, I can’t believe I’m the one who gets to talk to them about such fascinating ideas!!!!

Doing that book proposal was a huge blessing, but having it turned down was an even BIGGER blessing.

As I review the experience, I recognize the emptiness in the pit of my stomach that I felt while I was writing the proposal. It’s one that I’ve always associated with fear – fear of not being good enough, smart enough, accomplished enough, whatever enough.

But now I’m realizing that empty feeling wasn’t fear – it was my body’s early warning system that the book I was proposing would bore even me!

It’s an important reminder for me…

When I do what I think someone else wants me to do, it never goes well. When I act in alignment with the truth of who I am, I can do my greatest work. <– Click to tweet

What about you? Is there anyone you’ve been trying to please lately?